he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
