I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
