Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
