Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
