Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
