at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
