I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
