My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
