Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
