Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Panties = found
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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