At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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