someone owes me an orgasm
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
