the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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