Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
