I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
