Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
