Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
