she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
