If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
