He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
