dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
