There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
