we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
