Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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