Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
