I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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