i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My ass is underappreciated
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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