Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
