She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
