I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
