even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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