Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
