pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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