She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
