so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
