Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
