i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's even glitter on my cock...
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