to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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