I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He passed out mid-signature
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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