Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
