yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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