so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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