I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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