I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
