God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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