I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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