Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
