Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
