One girl and one boy is just not enough.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
