U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
