I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
